Potsticker Mantra

The Potsticker Mantra entered my life one day when I was feeling particularly overstretched and underappreciated. We had just returned from an epic family vacation and I was battling a combination of jet lag from the 28-hour journey home (due to a canceled flight) and irritation with a certain salty teenager. As I drove into town to restock our empty refrigerator, I contemplated, Should I go to two grocery stores in order to get the potstickers that my daughter wants or should I just go to the one store that has everything else I need to buy? Typically, I wouldn’t even pause to question it, but on that day my reserves were unusually low. So, I reminded myself that I had a choice and I could choose not to go out of my way just for potstickers. Then, I asked the bold question, “What would be best for ME?” In that moment of clarity and self-advocacy, I felt surprisingly giddy and empowered. I’m pretty certain I even smiled.

As moms, we are constantly doing little (and big) things for the people in our family. We literally go the extra mile to make them happy– driving out of our way to get the thing that they requested or that might just brighten their day. In return, we are often met with a quick thanks or nothing at all. Instead of feeling appreciated, loved, and closer to our family, we feel worn out, taken for granted, and frustrated. We fall deeper into the crevasse of resentment when, after so much giving, we ask for help with something and are met with apathy, complaining, and procrastination.

It’s easy to blame our children or spouse, but ultimately the power to change this dynamic rests in our own hands. We can choose to do less; to simplify gift giving, birthday parties, concert going, and vacations. We can opt-out of going to two grocery stores. We can ask, “What would be best for ME?” Seriously, when was the last time you asked this? Our families will not starve or be deprived if we dial back our giving by just 10%. In fact, they may not even notice. But, YOU will notice that you feel less overworked, exhausted, and resentful. You will see that you feel more positive toward your family and have more time for self-care and the things that bring you joy.

So, take a look at your to-do list, cross off 10% of what’s on there, and whenever necessary, conjure the Potsticker Mantra; ask yourself, “What would be best for ME?” Every time we say “no” to something, we are also saying “yes” to something else. I encourage you to start saying NO to being overstretched and resentful and YES to self-care and more positivity in your relationships at home.

When I returned from shopping, my daughter asked me if I’d picked up potstickers. I simply replied, “No, I didn’t go to that store today, but I’ll get them next time I’m there.” She understood and I felt proud of myself for choosing to do a little less and advocating for my well-being. It simultaneously felt like the tiniest possible act of rebellion against my own disempowering patterns and a monumental internal shift, reclaiming my power of choice.